Monthly Archives: April 2011

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Revelation: SHOULD is a storage place for upsets

Quote From Quote Book on Tumblr

This past week I was in a really sad and very dark mood.  Robyn’s head injury has been such a wonderful distraction for me because tending to her and her needs has been the perfect reason not to tend to my own (a-hem).

Easter was fast approaching and since my ex and I parted ways it’s so very hard to embrace the holidays because then I have to face all of the changes that are so very uncomfortable for me.  When will I ever see anything before me than the broken picture of the life I thought I had?

I needed to just let the grief come over me (AGAIN) and so on Easter morning before I picked them up from the airport to welcome them home I had to stop and admit to myself what had been eating at me:  I don’t know how to operate in the world yet without the traditions that somehow represented security and the changes that threaten to tear me apart.  I was living inside the “should” instead of living inside the now. Maybe I should explain:

I should have had Easter dinner all planned out…. i avoided giving it any thought at all until it was upon me.

I should love cooking in the kitchen for my family… but the truth is that I have avoided the kitchen for almost three years now because it represents for me the heart of what was our family life. I had to play classical music for “company” in that room for almost a solid year just so that I would not burst into tears every time I poured myself a bowl of cornflakes.

I should have these emotions all sorted out by now….

I should have known….

Thank God Mr. Good Bar was here to comfort me in the morning hours as I blubbered into his neck once again about these moments in my life that continue pulse and ache inside my heart.   Once I had gotten it all out … on his clean white t-shirt,  putting the power of NOW into effect seemed remarkably simple.  I drove to Trader Joe’s (the only place apparently open on Easter Sunday) and got the grocery shopping done before picking them up at the airport.  I had set my mind to making a fabulous Easter dinner and decided that however it went was exactly how it was supposed to be. In the car I turned to my Ex and asked him if he would join us for dinner – because “It means a lot to me” and he graciously accepted (and i think he knew id been crying and we still have that tenderness between us- we can’t stand to see each other cry.)

Pork Loin, apple sauce, green beans, salad, rolls & butter with extra add on’s by Robyn of sweet potato and grilled tofu for the vegetarians was summarily whipped together and even served on my “divorce” china.  In attendance: My Wasband, children, my neighbor Robyn and her children, and Khan… the beautiful boy from the neighborhood who apparently had no place to have Easter dinner.  The table was set beautifully with candles and flowers and sunlight streaming through the big window onto the heads of happy children who all joined hands with the adults as we bowed our heads in a moment of thanks, and in an instant, all of you were there with me.  I squeezed Robyn’s hand again in gratitude as our eyes met and a deep knowing passed there.

The women in the Revelation Project who are all part of this tribe in my life – teaching me so much about the fine art of what it means to be vulnerable, and how good it can feel to just.let.it.go.

THANK YOU.

I love you. all. I really do.

72YBABBV3EAX
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Revelation: Anonymous

In the last couple of months I have been collecting poetry to share on the childerness blog because when I was at my very lowest point in my life,  poetry was literally one of the only things that made sense to me anymore.  It was the place where words live in the “in between” and less was more.  I have a few that I will hold near and dear to my heart such as The Journey (by Mary Oliver- PS: please excuse the queer graphics…not my bad) and I also love love love this one by David White.

Now I have a new one that I hold dear that was shared with me by an amazing woman who is part of The Revelation Project who wishes at the moment to remain anonymous.

I really love it- especially the last verse.

A Place to Hang My Hat

I want a place to hang my hat, a place to stash my worries, a place to be bad and still be liked

I want a tribe of women who will be authentic and unforgiving – because we don’t need to be forgiven for who we are.

I want my shoulders to be relaxed and my defenses down because I feel safe in my bones

I want to not have to think politically correct- just know that speaking from the heart a truth will come out-sometimes painful but always a learning experience.

I want to be me, where ever I am and whoever I’m with

I want to check in with my heart not just my head when I’m scared or have a problem

I want to feel whole, not just a walking head who is doing what she thinks she is supposed to do.

I want to look inward which eventually leads me outward on a journey to myself and others

I want to feel whole not feel a hole in my heart when I think of my life

I want to feel warm inside even when outside the world can be cold

I want to shine a light on my feeling of emptiness and see that it isn’t the dark emptiness that I thought, but rather it’s full of things waiting to be found.

- Anonymous

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Revelation: Failure IS an OPTION

It was great to be back in NYC if even for just 24 hours.  Seth Godin was the main attraction and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute spent in an intimate setting of 100 attendee’s listening to him discuss the brilliance of failing.

As a mother, wife, and entrepreneur I’ve known a whole lot of failure, and i’ve actually felt a measure of guilt and shame to go with it.  I never considered wearing it as a badge of honor instead, and considering failure instead as a precious gift that would guide me toward competency and mastery.

(Photo Credit Robyn Ivy)

Why is it so hard for me to look at my failings in life as a gift?  Without those moments I could not have learned- literally.  It’s how I have learned to be a good at drawing, painting, photography, mothering, tennis, breast feeding, yoga, communicating, writing, marriage.

Our baby takes her first steps and falls… do we chastise her?

Our toddler spills water while learning how to drink from a glass… do we punish?

Our young child works to learn to read while failing again and again to achieve the proper sound, intonations, and phonetics of each word… do we shame him?

These are all “teaching moments” that allow our children to continue to strive toward success.   As we grow into adulthood our practical sense and acceptance of failing stops being celebrated and instead as we try to navigate the landscape of the mighty paycheck we “pretend” mastery at things. That’s when I remember the expression “fake it till you make it” rooting itself in my psyche, and in the meantime I completely forgot to embrace my failings as my best friend in my search to get “better” at all things “life”.

(Photo credit: Robyn Ivy)

Seth rounded out the afternoon of insightful conversation with a little story about working with some of his employee’s over the years.  He said that  if his employees never made mistakes he had to pull them aside for a talk.  He’d tell them that they were not failing enough, and that if they were not willing to fail he knew they were not giving him the “best” of themselves they had to give.   I apply that to my own life.  I love to learn, and if I gave myself permission to fail how much could I accomplish in this lifetime?  It reminds me of that quote….

Who would we be if we knew we could not fail?  Opens up a ton of possibilities doesn’t it?  Changes the conversation.

If there are any losers, failures or F*ck-up’s that want to hang out – you know where to find me.  I’m starting to think those people would have a lot to share with me, could teach me an awful lot, and might also give me the room to just be exactly who I am – no faking needed.

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The Revelation Project Part III: Juli Mancini

Juli Mancini is one of the most creative, articulate, and generous people I know. Juli’s beauty is wild and untamed, and the clarity in her eyes coupled with her open and direct communication style just enhances it.  She’s always in touch with where she is at emotionally, and loves connecting with people at the heart level.  Having studied and worked on the West Coast she’s carried that warmth to New England and has spread it’s rays to all who have had the pleasure of meeting her. Mother of two, artist, photographer, writer, & entrepreneur.  The photographs and interview can tell you the rest.

MR: What did you think about the approach of the upcoming photo shoot (before you got there) and what were the results you were expecting?

juli: I am usually the one behind the lens so the idea of actually having timeless documentation of beautiful photos of myself was refreshing.  I didn’t know exactly what to expect but love productions and female gatherings of any kind so my spirits were lifted before I walked through the door.

MR: How did you feel during the shoot and was there anything in particular that made you feel more or less relaxed or open to the process?

juli: For me personally, being photographed by women, disengages a sensor that might otherwise be present.  This changes the finished product as a result creating a softer, truer and essential depiction.


MR: Can you describe in three words the way you felt before we shot?

juli: Thrilled, hopeful, that indescribable Christmas morning feeling.

MR:  Three words for after ?

juli: Anticipation, empowered, beautiful

MR: Three words for when you saw the results

Juli: Disbelief, elation, lifted

MR: After you left but before you saw the results – did you have any thoughts about the experience?  What were some of the things you thought about on the drive home?

juli: I thought, what a brilliant idea!  If every woman considered this a necessity instead of a luxury, the world would be a different place.

MR: When you saw the results can you tell me your first impression?

juli: Pure love of the photographs but also of the many gifts presented in these photos.  I was reintroduced to myself through a photograph.  I also experienced a profound bond with and respect for Robyn and Monica.


MR: Can you talk about the feedback you received from those who saw your photographs?

juli: The most common remark was that my essence was captured in the photos. Others commented on how beautiful I am and how gifted Robyn and Monica are.

MR: Did you feel beautiful during the shoot? why? why not?

juli: Yes…well I took the opportunity to pull out my Anthropologie clothing and my Pamela Tuohy Jewelry which I save for special occasions.  Monica helped with hair and make-up which has not been a priority in my daily life for some time and all eyes and lenses were on me.  How marvelous!

MR: Did you feel empowered? why?  Why not?

juli: Absolutely…because I felt worthy.


MR: Since the shoot happened almost two weeks ago now can you talk about the lasting impact of the experience?  Has it altered the way you view yourself or your surroundings?

juli: Yes. As a mom going through a separation, it’s easy to put my needs last in a long line of to do lists while feeling worn down.  These photos reminded me that I am already the person that I want to become.  She’s in there and we are now getting reacquainted.  Having a love affair actually!

MR:  Do you think this was an important/valuable experience for yourself? why?

juli: I do…because, like many other women, I have lost my way on this path in life.  I have replaced my needs with those of family and lost myself along the way. I needed a reminder and these images presented just that.  They are a reminder of my exuberance, vitality and passion.  It conveys beautifully.  You can see it in the eyes.

MR: Do you think it’s relevant for other women?  why?

juli: I think if a woman is open to the many gifts inherent in this project, then yes.  A woman who values herself and this process enough will make the investment…that is the woman who will experience lasting change as a result.


MR:  How would you use the photos moving forward? Professionally? Personally? as gifts?

juli: As a visual person, I only need to close my eyes to review them which is where they have made the most impact.  I may use them to promote my business ventures down the road.  When I move into a place which I can call my own, I will brand the walls with the photos, you know, proudly mark my territory.  I will enjoy that!

MR: If you could sum up the experience what would you say?

Juli: This experience was illuminating. The concept is brilliant and Robyn and Monica approach the project with such passion and intent.  For them, it’s not just about turning a job, it’s about pursuit of deeper meaning in self, partner and subject.  That intent makes the project work and work well.  You see it in the photos and I felt it during the shoot.  We all connected with compassion, hope and excitement for what could be and for what gems may be hidden. I will be forever grateful for the Revelation Project and these talented women with the vision to unearth our wildness and essence.

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The Revelation Project Part II: Cyra Morgan

It was last summer that my girlfriend Juli asked me to consider photographing a girlfriend of hers who was having a hard time getting a professional portrait of herself that she felt really captured the essence of who she really was.  It was not until late January however, that I reached out to ask that both of them consider being photographed as part of The Revelation Project.

Cyra Morgan is an incredibly talented singer songwriter, and the moment I heard her voice and her lyrics, I experienced this deep sense of awe and wonder at her beauty and talent (inside and out).  With an incredibly petite frame and eyes that can melt cast iron I got my first taste (similar to a vampire ) of a song she wrote and performed having been inspired by the book from the  Twilight series.  I was positively captivated.

One Friday morning, Juli and Cyra arrived to have their photo session, and the chemistry and mood altered and changed with conversation and encouragement. The space was charged with something indescribable and once again the results of the shoot and the experience were astonishing.

The following is an excerpt from my interview with Cyra and the photographs we were able to capture that morning.

For those of you who read this- I’d like to go down on the record for my prediction that this woman WILL be famous.  She is still largely undiscovered, so if you know someone in the Industry… please feel free to forward her music, and by all means fan her on Facebook.

PS: We have our old logo watermarked on here but these will all eventually be replaced with the new…

The Revelation Project Interview Questions:

MR:  What did you think about the approach of the upcoming photo shoot (before you got there) and what were the results you were expecting?

CM: I constantly struggle with photos…. in fact I am so photographically challenged, snapshots of myself usually make me cry.  So I avoid the camera. I’m not an easy person to photograph, as friends have tried, and I desperately needed some head shots and publicity photos so I felt that it had to be done. Honestly I didn’t know what to expect. I’d seen incredible work from Robyn and Monica so I was hopeful.  The results were not at all what I was expecting…. I was astounded. I thought that I would get some usable shots, but they are incredible…. when looking at the proofs I was actually in tears. They  captured “me”, they captured so many facets of my being…. no one has ever been able to do that for me before.

MR: How did you feel during the shoot and was there anything in particular that made you feel more or less relaxed or open to the process?

CM: I felt nervous because of my photo anxiety. It took me a little while to warm up but the inspiring, creative energy in the room and the rapport between Monica and Robyn eventually led me to a place of letting go and trusting….. where I could truly be myself in front of the camera. Jumping on the bed put me in a relaxed place, sort of joggled all of the junk out of me. Time also, the longer the session… the more comfortable I became.

MR: Can you describe in three words the way you felt before we shot?

CM: Nervous, Apprehensive, Excited

MR:  Three words for immediately after the shoot?

CM: Relaxed, Apprehensive, Hopeful

MR:  Three words for when you saw the results?

CM: Astounded, Floored, Beautiful

MR:  After you left but before you saw the results – did you have any thoughts about the experience?  What were some of the things you thought about on the drive home?

CM: I loved the experience…. had so much fun. Felt like a kid again. Was thinking about how I’d like to do that more often…. a magical connection was made, not only with Monica, Robyn and myself, but also between the person that I am and the person that I’ve always wanted to be….. that I am ever grateful for.

MR: When you saw the results can you tell me your first  impression?

CM: Woahhh….. couldn’t believe that those were pictures of me! Then came the tears…..

MR: Can you talk about the feedback you received from those who saw your photographs?

CM: I have been getting amazing feedback….. many have commented on the fact that my essence was captured in the photos….

MR: Did you feel beautiful during the shoot? why? why not?

CM: Not for a while…. because I was afraid of the camera. Afraid of making crazy expressions…. Toward the end, yes.  I was really into their suggestions and creative input.

MR: Did you feel empowered? why?  Why not?

CM: Incredibly empowered. Looking at the photos made me feel like me again. Like the me inside who had sort of gotten lost for a while. I’m now using the pics for a single cover and for my music which is incredibly important to me….  I now have what I need to to take the steps toward realizing my dreams.

(This photo taken as part of  TRP was made into a single cover- yay!)

MR: Since the shoot happened – can you talk about the lasting impact of the experience?  Has it altered the way you view yourself or your surroundings?

CM: It’s very difficult to put into words….. after spending years in my every day role and of how others perceive me, after many emotional ups and downs and doubting whether or not my dreams were ever actually reachable for me, or if I was just kidding myself…. I saw those pics and was in tears…. I was like “Hey I remember you….. this is who you are, and she’s ready to come out now…..” It was such a gift. I definitely got a head shot and publicity shots that are an incredible representation of my music which comes from deep within my soul… I don’t know how they did it.

MR: Do you think this was an important/valuable experience for yourself? why?

CM: More valuable than I could ever express…. It feels like some wall within me cracked wide open and all of this light flooded in. It gave me freedom to be myself.

MR:  Do you think it’s relevant for other women?  why?

CM: More than relevant, I think it is necessary. We are all such beautiful creatures and absolutely need to see ourselves as such.  I think that too often, we just can’t see it in ourselves….. we get caught up in the outer role that we play….. Robyn and Monica have a gift for finding that incredible beauty and drawing it out.

MR: How would you use the photos moving forward? Professionally? Personally? as gifts?

CM: I’m definitely using the photos professionally….. hence the single cover. Personally, I look at them when I need some encouragement….. when fall into the pattern of doubting myself.

MR: If you could sum up the experience what would you say?

CM: For me, it was an awakening….. a transformation.

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Revelation: Miracle Workers Make House Calls

Yesterday was all kinds of weird.

Robyn has been recovering on my couch since Tuesday of last week.  She went snow boarding last Saturday with another friend of ours,  did not wear a helmet and bumped her head pretty darn good.  Thinking things were “fine” she went boarding again on Sunday.  Her brain did not really start to swell until Monday and by Tuesday she had been in the emergency room twice to be treated for a severe concussion.  I had no idea a concussion could be so bad.

I’m going to rewind and go back to before Robyn smacked her head as she was texting me from the slopes telling me how great she’s been feeling and so joyous and so engaged. The Revelation Project has had her on a high… ( I can relate).  After she fell – she continued to text me and then called wondering why this happened when things were going so well? …..

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Once she got home she face planeted on my couch and has not really moved since.  Barely able to stay awake for more than an hour a day she managed to tell me she wanted me to get out the Louise Hay Book, and while I do admire her tenacity and her willingness to look at everything as a sign from the Universe- sometimes I just have to say:”dontbesuchacrazyfruitcakethisdidnothappenbecauseyouhavetohavesomeinnerspiritual
reasonforwhyyoufell!”  Not everything is a *sign*! GOD! That shit drives me CRAZY!  You fell because you fell! oh, and btw, that’s why you fell!

uh huh.

So one thing I’m learning is that miracle workers actually make house calls.  The talented chiropractor Dr. Post arrived at 1:00 followed by the incredible Dr. Zellda Keath at 1:30.  Dr. Post was wonderful and made sure Robyn’s spine was ok from the fall, and gave her gentle adjustments to correct any pressure on the spine, and she felt better. Next it was time for Robyn’s acupuncture treatment.

I absolutely adore my acupuncturist.  She saved my life – literally (a story for another time) & she is truly MAGICAL.  She’s an unbelievably accomplished doctor of Chinese Medicine (see credentials here) and in addition to that she is a fierce woman completely committed to her spiritual path and completely in touch with her higher power. She’s kinda “witchy” in the best possible way.

So, because we were doing the treatment at my house we decided we would use the dining room table and to make it comfortable we lifted the couch cushion Robyn’s been sleeping on to move it to the table- underneath was a tarot card.  So, just FYI: I do not really play with Tarot Cards- I bought a pack once thinking- “hey what the hell- party favor stuff” and then put them in my upstairs drawer and never took them out again.  The card was from my deck and it had apparently been laying under Robyn these past several days.  It was 5 The Hierophant ( whatever that meant) so I just put it aside, pointing out how strange it was that the card show up… i mean, I have not even seen that deck in over a year.  Zelda did not look the least bit surprised.

When she got Robyn settled she asked her “So Robyn, why did you bump your head?” as if Robyn had made the choice!  Robyn started talking to her as if it was a perfectly normal question by answering that everything has been so magical and great these past few weeks with the Revelation Project and then she fell and bla bla bla… and next thing you know Zelda is burning sage and working on her energy… you know… the divine download or something …(I was busy in the other room rolling my eyes but had they opened the door I would have fallen on my face- for sure).  Two hours later the treatment was done and Robyn was sitting up listening to Zelda tell her that she can’t be a lighthouse for other women in the Revelation Project until she owns her own power and comes to terms with her past.  That this head injury was what was called for to get her to *stop* and listen. She told Robyn that her brain was re-calibrating and that once it was healed she would never be the same again but in a good way.  That she would be able to be more in touch with her power…..

Before she left she burnt more sage and told us to go get the tarot card that was under the cushion and look it up.

Here is what we read….

I’m not going to make it mean anything.  I’m going to leave that to Robyn and Zellda.

5- The Hierophant © Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

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Revelation: Scared of Myself (Part two)

Fear is a universal emotion.  It can be quite useful for many creatures as it creates caution around things that might seem harmful.  For humans it is our barometer for the “unknown” It is also a vital part of being alive… and it’s a natural human reaction especially as one moves closer to the truth.

It’s amazing to me how often most of my life has been about “keeping busy” or as they say in the South “He just moves to keep from thin-kin”  (they sure are smart over there).

But what about when there is no where to escape? no busy work to do? nothing to hide behind… what then?  I love the fact that most of us can put on a show for a while… but after the show is over… who show’s up? Do we know that person?

My earth shaking revelation as I lay in my bed month after month trying to sleep it all away was that I had absolutely NO relationship with myself other than one of abuse and tyranny.  I truly was my own worst enemy, and although I am not sure when I started taking myself hostage.. I know that it had been going on for a very very long time. Perhaps even since I was a child.  Self love was for fruitcakes, and weirdo’s……

So this weirdo fruitcake found herself standing nose to nose with the object of her contempt…. and had no where to escape. What a gift it is …. the gift of no escape.  When I had no where to go, and nothing to hide behind I was forced to really look at who I had become….

To be continued.

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Revelation: Scared of Myself (Part 1)

I will never forget the depth of my dispair or loneliness in the days leading up to my six month (I’m being conservative) staycation in my bed as I surrendered to what was the equivalent of a sixty two car pile up (my life).  The gradual decline in the quality of my days ended in a ball of flames. Well… except that it was not really the end-it was really just the beginning.

Photo Credit: Beth McHugh

I like to think of myself as a Phoenix rising from the ashes – mostly because I like the imagery (but in my very warped and twisted reality I look like a cross between Austin Powers and Molly Shannon ….um, nevermind).

Lets just say, that I will never forget that terrible emptiness and utter void that was the sum total of my inner experience at that time,  and that If learned anything through all of that, it was about being able to bring compassion, love, and forgiveness to the person I thought least likely to receive such a bounty…. myself.

Embarking on a spiritual journey at that time felt a bit like being forced to climb onto a rickshaw while blindfolded in a foreign country with no guide.

Photo BBC News

With a whole lot of practice,  going “inward” might yield great inspiration and joy… but i’d never quite had to look into myself so deeply, or so intimately, and the very idea of it paralyzed me.  I no longer knew who I was… and who ever I was, I knew one thing for certain… I did NOT want to be left alone with her.

The universe has an interesting way of getting you on your path (come hell or high water- I’ve decided) and I always marvel at my audacity to think I can outsmart, outwit or undermine the very power of it. Those of us who are very very lucky get a wake -up call in our lives. Usually it comes in a few flavors,  Debt, Disaster, Death, Divorce… to name a few.

It took me quite a bit of time to realize that the only way “out” was to venture “in”

To be continued…..

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Revelation: Life As A House

If  life is a house than I have choices as to how to build it, maintain it, and decorate it.

Whomever I choose to invite inside can either help me make it a beautiful place or they can help me make it a mess. I’ve noticed that either of those things can happen in record time, and that other times, I’m on auto pilot and by the time I “wake up” I’m in the midst of a shit show. Disaster clean up can be found in the Yellow Pages.

If life is a house than my loved ones will always find the front door open, have a room to stay in, and a warm meal to eat.  Should I be away – a key is under the mat.

Those are the people that make my house worth living in- who help me create beauty, conversations that matter, and times to remember. We might dance, sing, laugh and even cry together.  Occasionally we might fight or voice our frustrations to restore peace and harmony. These are the people that allow me to be me, and encourage me to be my best self.  Sometimes just sitting with each others company …. at home.

If life is a house then there will always be chores, and things to I must do, and investments I must make that go toward maintaining it.  Making it look good on the outside might mean raking the yard, painting, fixing the porch, and tending the garden. While inside, vacuuming, washing the floors, dusting and rearranging the furnishings once in a while might keep it looking and feeling like a lovely place to be.  I always have to be mindful of clutter, and purge my excess “belongings” every so often, and I have to realize I can’t always do everything by myself.  Reaching out to those people I love to help me every once in a while is just part of living there.

If life is a house than I’ve noticed that how I choose to spend my time and energy makes all the difference in the world.  If I invite guests over who don’t respect it’s charm and warmth and hospitality, then things start to deteriorate fast. Before long I notice I have an overgrown yard with old tires and a cast iron tub on my lawn, and inside there are dishes in the sink and laundry piles everywhere. The people I’d really love to get to know more or spend more time with stop coming by to visit.

If life is a house and I find as I look through the bedrooms that some guests are lingering who are not really helping me maintain the place, or doing their part then it’s up to me to consider the following:  I invited them in, and I can invite them out. It’s a choice.

There are somethings I’ve tried to repair in my house on my own only to find that I need a professional to help me make it structurally sound.  There have also been a couple of times in my life where I realize I have built the whole damn thing on quick sand. It’s necessary sometimes to just take an inventory – grab the valuables and just bulldoze the rest.

If life is a house, then renovation is always an option.  It’s MY house, so I get to choose how I build it.

 

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The Revelation Project: A Beginning

It’s pretty easy for us to forget who we are or even who we wanted to be after years of care taking, raising a family, or just plain years later.

For many of us – it’s not that our husbands, boyfriends, or partners don’t make us feel beautiful or worthy – the catcher is that we don’t quite feel the part ourselves.

There are those of us who have never really seen or been able to appreciate the inherent beauty of our selves and the expressions and attributes that are uniquely and endearingly ours. Instead I think we hope that some day we’ll stumble out of bed one morning and peek into the mirror and suddenly see that woman who’s finally appeared (but who really looks nothing like us!) She’s longer, leaner, shorter, smarter, curlier, calmer, funnier, smoother, thinner, straiter, whiter, shapelier, darker, perkier, leggier, blonder, hipper……. and in the meantime we punish the one who looks back at us from the mirror, unconsciously chastising her for not somehow getting it right. again.

If you are anything like me then you might get lost along the way in the land of low self esteem, resignation, cynicism, and self criticism (I have a frequent flyer card).

My neighbor Robyn Ivy is an incredibly accomplished photographer who like many of us – look’s like she has it all handled.   She’s a hip Mother of two, recently divorced, smart, talented, lovely, insightful and pee your pants funny. I never would have guessed she even had moments like the afore mentioned had she not also been the kind of authentic and refreshing person that she is ~ laying it all out there.  I was both amazed and mildly horrified by her candor- and so began a friendship.

The night before she came over with her camera she’d been pretty upset. Her new foret into dating was kind of difficult given that she was pretty unwilling to be vulnerable with anyone, and the moment she finally let him in, …he bolted- pushing every button of  insecurity she possibly had to the penthouse floor.  There was nothing I could do of course, except listen, hand her a tissue, and nod my head empathetically…

Because great and twisted minds think alike our best revenge was to embark on a photo odessy that was aimed directly at getting relief through humor, make- up, and good girlfriend snarkiness and although both of us snickered our way through the various poses and and contrived sprawls with the intention of loading the images on Facebook ( he was still a “friend” after all) we found instead that something entirely different actually ended up happening that had nothing to do with him.

As we went through the photo’s and edited them, sure -we laughed and giggled and snorted, but the process itself was quite remarkable because it provided a catharsis that went far deeper than either of us imagined.   The entire process, as well as the outcome had truly empowered her and gave her back something she felt she had lost somewhere along the way: herself.

In the weeks that followed the results of the shoot had a lasting effect, a kind of “balancing” effect and for some reason gave Robyn permission to hit the “reset” button and take inventory of the things she wanted to accomplish.  Somehow seeing herself in the photos allowed her to step OUT of her head and see herself in a way she desperately did not even know she needed.

Since then, we’ve gone on to get similar if not more powerful results from the subsequent women we have photographed.  I’ll continue to post the results as well as a few interviews over the course of the next few weeks and you can see and hear for yourselves the kind of impact this project has made so far on each of these amazing women.

After some discussion we decided to call this “process” something that we would continue to develop and document. We decided on the name The Revelation Project because,  throughout the process, “something” gets found, unveiled, or revealed that was not previously available or accessible. I’m sorry if it sounds hokey… I’m just the photographer.

Here are the photos of Robyn taken that day.  Since then we have photographed a total of 15 women and counting…  follow their remarkable insights, stories, and interviews by subscribing to our posts or following our progress on TLC’s “Parentables” blog where we will also be documenting our collective progress.  Thank you always for your feedback, comments or cries of outrage!