Fear is a universal emotion. It can be quite useful for many creatures as it creates caution around things that might seem harmful. For humans it is our barometer for the “unknown” It is also a vital part of being alive… and it’s a natural human reaction especially as one moves closer to the truth.
It’s amazing to me how often most of my life has been about “keeping busy” or as they say in the South “He just moves to keep from thin-kin” (they sure are smart over there).
But what about when there is no where to escape? no busy work to do? nothing to hide behind… what then? I love the fact that most of us can put on a show for a while… but after the show is over… who show’s up? Do we know that person?
My earth shaking revelation as I lay in my bed month after month trying to sleep it all away was that I had absolutely NO relationship with myself other than one of abuse and tyranny. I truly was my own worst enemy, and although I am not sure when I started taking myself hostage.. I know that it had been going on for a very very long time. Perhaps even since I was a child. Self love was for fruitcakes, and weirdo’s……
So this weirdo fruitcake found herself standing nose to nose with the object of her contempt…. and had no where to escape. What a gift it is …. the gift of no escape. When I had no where to go, and nothing to hide behind I was forced to really look at who I had become….
To be continued.
so resonates…how heavily I rely on escapes. keep those thoughts rolling monica. sometimes I sit back and wonder how to distinquish between an escape and something that actually makes me feel good in and of itself. You? Anyone else?
M-
I think it so depends on weather or not we actually have a “practice” in place to BE with ourselves. For me- It’s writing… for you, it may be boarding or surfing. I think if you can be with yourself AND explore and wonder and push then it’s all good. I think it’s when we are “alone” and start to panic or want to medicate, drink, sleep, “go away” is when that should be more telling… What do I not want to look at right now? What am I afraid of… filling the void- instead of embracing the void as. Running TOWARD the fear instead of away from. Maybe? I dunno… i’m just kind of trying to figure it all out.
Beautifully written.
When we finally let ourselves cut the engine and drift, that is when we can listen to our hearts.
Louise-
So so true. I love your post. I have posted it to TRP wall. XOXOXO