Relationships can be likened to spokes on a bicycle, if even one is compromised or undermined it changes the ride entirely and it’s only a matter of time until the wheel falls apart.
It’s hard to know sometimes when we are undermining a relationship. Many of us unintentionally with-hold information, lash out, or otherwise swallow our pain, sadness, or anger in the hopes of avoiding an upset. The fact of the matter though, is that these small transgressions, over time will cause the digger that sends us sailing through the air over the handlebars- ass over tea kettle, landing a genuinely uncomfortable face plant into the unforgiving pavement just when we thought we were really coasting:
“look mom – no hands!”
We wonder as we hastily try to peel ourselves off the cement and look around if we can actually save some face:
“Um, I meant to do that- it was old super duper over the handlebar, pebbles imbedded in my lip and forehead, skinned knees and sprained elbow trick”
Or perhaps we wonder if no one will notice our bad behavior and we can just gimp home and get our chain hanging, banged up, big red bow, christmas morning bike back in to the garage without Dad seeing and shaking his head in disgust.
“Son, you just don’t know how to take care of things.”
It’s also hard to know how to clean up when you’ve done something you know has caused someone a lot of pain and embarrassment or time and money. Should you offer to buy them a new bike? Should you put a bandaid on their broken bone? Should you pretend it never happened and when they go find their bike in the garage and it’s all mangled and ruined you pray to god they don’t notice how busy you suddenly look?
Or, do you just admit that sometimes you can be a real assh*le and tell that person you are sorry and you’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to them until they trust you again to keep the bars steady, your hands on the wheel, and your eyes on the road?