Written By Gloria Crist and Adapted for The Revelation Project
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This is a picture of a hormone. Need I say more?
It is any wonder we women are prone to hormonal unbalance?
Who wouldn’t be if radioactive jellyfish were floating around reeking havoc on our otherwise happy shiny days?
These little suckers just wait for the right time to go Ker-POW! and implode into a trajectory of pure t-hell.
I never gave it much thought as I have never been adverse to aging (thats not to say I don’t fight for youth each day ;) But I have accepted that this is the process. Sort of… accepted…ahem.
I thought it would be something I would breeze through from here to there- after all I am always active and forever moving about. A life- tinker-er (is that a word?) I thought I would be calm and cool as gravity works to rearrange my youthful smooth, toned body… and as the crow flies south my parts do too – I’ve found it’s best to kick and scream behind closed doors.
That new piece of flesh on the back of my leg?…oh, that one? that used to be my perky marathon muscles. How bout that one? Yes, that beauty arrived after the birth of my baby and so on. Then came 40 and I thought I got lucky as my ass, at least, remained ( THANK GOD!!) BUT.. there it goes now- sinking slowly like a glorious sunset- no matter the amount of Lycra, exercise, Spanx, or otherwise…. sigh.
I’ll think of my past ass… ( damn i looked good, but even then it was not enough!) during the prep and pampering for a swimsuit competition in the Miss. North Carolina pageant,circa 1984. As all the ladies were getting their assets ready- I looked over and watched as Miss. Fayetteville grabbed a portion of her cheeky flesh( yes, that cheek ) and sprayed it with the same spray athletes use to grip the ball better. She “Firm Gripped” her butt to new heights-she lifted up her ass- sprayed it and it stuck. Right there. Right where she wanted it and darned if I did not go right over and ask for a spray myself. Now “firmly gripped” in my fuchsia one piece-with matching sandals – I remember proudly arranging my sash as I walked my high and mighty ass right out on stage for all to see…
And now- well… there’s not enough “firm grip” in the world.
Other lovely symptoms include but are not limited to clear thoughts immediately replaced with …. a complete blank.
Forgetting what I am saying just as I am getting to my point.
Or how bout the rambling tangents…
My sharp as a tack mind, and all my body parts are being ruthlessly attacked hormonally unbalanced radioactive jelly fish.
My skin is dry-and so are my eyes, and my hair and never mind the myopic view point. There is a certain sort of sag that finds itself setting up shop on various former angles of my face-and try as I may ( you should see my side of the medicine cabinet) there’s just no amount of product that can halt these inevitable passages of time.
I’m no longer able to effectively muti-task. My get up and go has got up and gone and I have a new fondness for flannel pajamas that just seem much more comfortable and practical then getting dressed for the day- drawstring please? (It’s disturbing, i know.)
Some additional observations about aging:
I hit it hard at the gym the other day and ended up crawling my way through next several days.
can no longer do my ”rock star slide” on our hard wood floor’s. My right knee will never be the same. Ever.
I get impatient. easily. even more than I used to.
I have no tolerance for stupid people. even less than I ever did.
Mean people suck and I never knew flipping someone off could be so satisfying.
I love that I love the word “NO” now.
I say it loud and proud.
“No. No, I can not. No, not at this time. No.No Way. Nada. Never. No. No. No. No.”
And that’s final.
I love my new found midlife sense of power. It goes great with everything I own-and it only took me my whole life to find it.
Someone asked me recently – how I managed to have this life of mine… as if it were all laid out- planned ( LOL)
they continued: ”wonderful family, good school, worthy profession, loving husband, amazing children…. ” as if it all just happened easily….
The route here went something like this:
I got on this one road and I took it as far as it would go . Got on another, took a short path-then took a long path-hit a roadblock, or ten, got on another road, made some pit stops, took a short cut, had to go back and do it again. I took the road less traveled
(it’s lonely I assure you) and here I am. I’ve been hurt, betrayed, stuck it out, sucked it up, got it wrong, got it right, led astray, led away, dumped, doted on, figured it out, somehow, some way, by force, circumstance and the help of some pretty amazing folks and so here I am: riding this portion of life’s crazy train. There was no plan… heck, I am still looking for “the right” turn…
Now I’m traveling with a little less baggage and a later in life fuel injected ride with a sagging bum. It’ll be interesting to see where this new route takes me, jellyfish and all.