A dear friend shared this piece of wisdom with me years ago and it has always stuck.
When we assume we are immediately putting our assumption, the person we are making the assumption about, and a limited belief in a pretty little box with a nice tight bow on it for good measure… God forbid we allow there to be another perspective, another possibility, more to the story we’ve already made up. The real kicker here is that the assumption we make has more of a negative impact on the assumer than the person we are making the assumption about. The assumer is limiting themselves and the relationship from greater possibility; the possibility of creativity, intimacy, transparency, freedom, fun, trust, all of which deepens authentic relationship. I could go on here but the bottom line is when you assume something about me, you make an ass out of u and me.
When we find ourselves making assumptions about someone we are in relationship with there is an opportunity to clear it. We can do this by seeking to understand, getting curious, and asking questions to clear the assumption.
Maybe you will find there is truth in your assumption but I believe there is always more to the story, and to find out more of that story will help us to have a better understanding and appreciation for the person, and this opens a far more expansive space for being in authentic relationship.
I made an assumption that a dear friend was a control freak because she needed to do it all herself… and just to out myself here in the moment, our assumptions often times are our own projections of self… ouch! When I checked in with her about my assumption and got truly curious, what I learned about her was so much more than my limiting assumption, what was underneath the control was fear, and so much more. “WE” now have greater possibility in our friendship for trust, love, compassion, understanding, levity…
Give it a try; clear an assumption you have about someone you are in relationship with.
It might begin with, “I have an assumption about you and I would like to share it because it may be getting in the way of our relationship…” It takes courage and love, and it is well worth it.