Author Archives: monicarodgers

Wild Woman

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Wild Woman
She lives within me
this heathen of long ago-
bare feet tramping the lush forest floor of my mind
eyes darting, ever aware
as she hunts, gathers, communes-
her tree gods all around.

She breathes within
hearing nature’s call
in the sweetness of the night air
the heady scent of the bush park
and the cockatoos in the trees
just up the road
from my tarmac and tile life.

And every now and then
this wild child
who longs for her village
her clean earth
her crystal streams-
is set free.

Upon a wave she rides
or amongst the scattered leaves, sits
in a moonlit moment
or tends the soil with her bare hands
solitary
bless-ed
loving the earth and its comfort
more than her own life.

The wild memories of long ago
the rituals and spirit songs
often spill free upon her voice
and clumsy guitar accompaniment,
or during a yogic moment,
or upon a dance-floor
in ecstatic release.

She is real
this wild woman-
she walks amongst us all
and she reminds us of the places
that we need to be-
of the places
that we need to treasure.

Above all, she reminds us
to be free.

- By Jennifer Cooper

The Soul of A Garden

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It’s been an interesting few weeks.  ”Full tilt” as they say.

My house has been “spring cleaned,” my deck looks like a paradise, and I’ve been gardening for the first time in my life.

Deliberately planting, nurturing and pruning flowers, bushes, and tree’s in my yard.  I feel like I understand this practice of gardening- it’s such a lovely experience to watch an “intention” grow to fruition.

Another metaphor in my life- yes?

I am noticing all kinds of positive shifts in my life now, and I think they are happening finally because of all the “digging” i’ve been doing these past few years.  For every turn there is a season, and yada yada – I know I know… so queer, and yet, that is where I am.  Finally smelling the flowers. Finally planting the seed’s for tomorrow’s garden. Finally pruning and dead heading the stuff that is no longer serving me.

Other shifts include other women of course:  working with some amazing career women, coaching them toward brand identify.  I love this work so much because it gives me great joy to lead others toward discovery.  I love the process when they arrive at their own answers and see their own vision, and gain clarity and confidence and strength. Have I mentioned how much I love working with women? Amazing creatures we are. We are so very gifted as a species- yes?  Our innate wisdom, ability to create, multi-task, gather, share, and inspire others is an ability we all hold as women.  It’s about finding the places that “stop us” from living our most authentic self.  In life and in business.

Although I have not been writing much, I’ve sure been observing and thinking a lot.

The project (always) stretches me to look at things differently and for each woman who participates she gives me a new way of looking at things.  She brings me perspective, insights, and courage.  I see each one of the women who put themselves into this work as partners  in discovery.  They teach me so very much about how valuable it is to step outside of our comfort zone to explore things not yet known to ourselves.  Their willingness to be open, vulnerable, and exposed to the audience we have cultivated is beyond inspiring and I know that each one of them has made a positive difference in the lives of many others who have touched them through the context of this project.

Perhaps my interest in gardening now comes from wanting to keep bringing beauty into my world – I see that it’s possible.  I see that when you intentionally partner with others to create something wonderful, that almost anything can happen.

Each aspect of our lives as women needs care and watering.  Is there an area of your life that you need to stop ignoring and start to make a tiny change?  Is there an un-cultivated garden somewhere in your yard, your business, your soul?

I hope you’ll join us when the time is right for you.  xo

 

 

TIME: "Are You Mom Enough?".....what????

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Reblogged from Mommy OM:

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Blogger Jamie Lynne Grumet is on the cover of TIME magazine this week nursing her three-year-old son.  The cover is bold.  It came out this morning and Facebook and Twitter and every and all major media outlets are overflowing with comments.  Some positive, some negative, and some downright awful and offensive.

The article in this issue is about parenting guru Dr.

Read more… 290 more words

GRRRR.

Gloriousness and Wretchedness

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“Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that’s all that’s happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction. On the other hand, wretchedness–life’s painful aspect–softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody’s eyes because you feel you haven’t got anything to lose–you’re just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We’d be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn’t have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.”
― Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

The older I become, the more contradictory and amazing life becomes.  Sometimes I take for granted how much I have suffered to know what it is to thrive, how much I have hated to know love, how much I have opened to know closed.

I am the light. I am the dark.

Perfectly Imperfect.

The push pull of life is such an extraordinary experience.

Thank you God.

 

The Lynchpin and The “Value” of Women

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Martha Washington is the only woman whose portrait has appeared on a U.S. currency note. It appeared on the face of the $1 Silver Certificate of 1886 and 1891, along with the back of the $1 Silver Certificate issued in 1896.

There is so much I want to share with you about what I am learning as a forty- one year old woman. The most important “revelation” of late had me stop tidying the house in mid swiff so I could sit down and post about it.

My revelation is that women don’t value themselves (I know, I know, at times I can be such an oracle of the obvious)

I’m morbidly fascinated by the sheer volume of women who are unable to see, own, and advocate on their own behalf as it relates to their contribution’s in the world.

Let me just take the example:  Mom’s who stay at home to raise the family.
This topic in itself opens up a completely mind blowing conversation about her sense of “value”.   I have come to know so many women who do not feel a sense of worth because their role is not measured by currency.   Where does this phenomenon originate from?

If I were to logically map out her contribution to her family using traditional business terms her “worth” would be crystalized.  In the business world she is what Seth Godin would refer to as the company lynchpin.

So, for all my stay at home to raise the family mom friends out there – I want you to put on your business hat for a moment and take a quick jump back in time.  Before you formed the partnership with your spouse which I will now refer to as: “the corporation” you both invested the “sweat equity” into the dating process that landed you “the job” except that it’s not just any job, it’s the job that any “founder” of a company would be faced with- and it’s the job of running the organization side by side with your partner of choice ( well, hopefully it was by choice), and shouldering the awesome responsibility of making sure each department, team member, and product is being overseen, managed and taken care of.

When you married,  the “merger and acquisition” took place began to blend your two individual lives into one – and then, comes the  production of the company assets (KIDS!).

If you made the decision to stay at home I want to first say “BRAVO” because that was the decision that worked for your family at the time and likely made a lot of sense. In order to “scale” and “maximize efficiencies” one partner will stay home and manage the growth (children and family obligations) while the other continues to work outside the home  and secure additional business development opportunities on “the road”, and he likes to be able to work hard because his ROI ( return on investment) is a happy, healthy, loving family that is thriving by his contributions just as they are by hers.

If marriage and raising a family were equated to building a company than the various “positions” of the company are dévide up and each of the two “founders” contribute an enormous amount of value.   Wouldn’t it feel kind of ludicrous to impute an income to Dad for the hours he dedicates to his children?

If we *must* place a value on their roles In and outside the home than maybe it would like look this?

The “working” partner:  CFO, CIO, VP of Sales, maintenance, grounds keeper, management,

The “Stay at home” partner :  CEO, COO, CMO, laundry, travel agent, cafeteria, and HR, and alternate temp.

Basically you can look at this argument and clearly see that the division of labor is equitable for the sake of this example~ right?

Then why is it that so many women who run the households and manage the sheer volume of work in the home while raising a family have little to no sense of their worth when it comes to their compound value?  If you were to impute an actual income to her contribution in the work force it could be argued then, that her salary would actually be potentially higher than her partners based on the sheer number of “positions” she maintains.

I used to get really hung up on this in my marriage because in addition being this mom as illustrated above- I would hire a “temp” ( sitter ) to fill in while I worked outside the home so that I could feel like I was making a monetary contribution as if that was somehow “worth” more and could finally be “counted.”

Now, I know that times have changed ( ha ha ha) and there are many more of us who lead much more fulfilled  lives while managing both home and work life right?  We feel much more appreciated and acknowledged for the “value” we bring to our marriages and our companies now that we are liberated and able to earn an income right?

hmmm… i’m thinking not.   Women have an ongoing struggle  to feel valued and acknowledged for our contributions to society, family and home.  There is not a monetary équivalant for the contribution we are to the world, and never will be.  There never will be because there is not enough money in the world.

Say it with me: “there is not enough money in the world.”

In order for us to feel valued outside ourselves we must FEEL value inside ourselves.

I think that in order to make this happen- we need to start by:

changing the conversation’s we are having and make them about our “value” not our “lack thereof”

If you are interested participating in this conversation then please sign on to “like” our face book page or subscribe to this blog.  It’s only a matter of time before we create a more empowered and inspired community of women in the world.

Join the Revelation.

Fever Can be a Useful Fire

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He delivered our daughter back to me wrapped in a polka dot fleece blanket.  Her fever climbed from low to high as my anxiety followed and then for several days I met her there- too ill to even the complete my normal everyday tasks.

We lay in bed she and I – day after day, hour after hour and although I was incredibly tired and achey there was such comfort in her presence, and of course- mine for her as her little hand reached out over and over just to hold mine and wordlessly tell me so.

Neither of us ate much…

Neither of us said much….

but somehow we became closer than ever.

One night her fever climbed over 104 and I tried to remember not to panic as I placed cool clothes on her forehead and hummed the only comfort my mother sang to me.  Her rosy cheeks flushed with the fire that under normal circumstance,  was reserved for her quick wit and temperament. The lethargy made her slow and cuddly ~ I held her to me as I had not since she was a sleeping infant in my arms many years ago…yes, I held her close and breathed her into me- kissing her eyelids, her rosy lips and tentative smile each time she woke to aclimate herself and look to make sure I was still near.

To be loved and needed as a mother…  is there ever a moment more filled with purpose?  I think of my own mother… how misunderstood that poor woman was, and I wonder… why?  Why was it so difficult for me to feel connected to her and was that me or was that some part of herself that would not allow her to be close.. to let me in.

I will not look this gift horse in the mouth…  not now, with my daughter- as any moment this uncertain life might change.
Although I never had “this” with my mother.. I have it with my daughter… and suddenly, I realize I am part of this generational healing. My mother, my daughter and I.

Life is amazing like that.  Here we all are- the descendants of many who came before us- daughters of mothers who were each trying to find their way home the best way they knew how at any given time as we grew into the women we are now.  What are we holding on to now if not the memory of their hands holding ours when we needed them most?   Are those memories giving us access to our better selves or are we still carrying the wounds from mothers who were unavailable to us in some way- many ways, while we were looking for a place to aclimate ourselves … call our selves home?

At any time we are given the opportunity to choose a new narrative for our lives and our stories of our lives.  As daughters of mothers who only knew what they knew can we now look to our own legacy and snuggle in close and breathe it in?

Sometimes fever can be a useful fire in which the past hurts can burn away leaving only the ashes for tomorrow’s garden.

Set Yourself On Fire

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I was sitting drinking my coffee this am as I read this Q & A between one of my favorite bloggers and Anne Lamott, author of Some Assembly Required.  The book looks fabulous and I am intrigued by it’s premise- but was even more so after reading this authentic response to one of the interview questions she was asked about what makes a family “successful?”

Q. I wish you’d say something about how children can thrive in all kinds of environments, not just the typical, traditional “happily married couple” kind we put on a pedestal. What is a successful family?

Her Answer:

A. That “ideal” is very rare. Most marriages are a mess, and the children get caught between two bitter, antagonistic parents. My parents stayed married for 27 unhappy years, till their kids were grown, and this was a catastrophe for us. I had to be my father’s wife, my mother’s mother — my brothers had to be her husband. We all had way too much responsibility, trying to keep the family afloat. I felt like I had a caseload by the time I was 6 or so. All I needed was a clipboard. All three of us kids could make blender drinks by the time we were 8 years old. My parents’ bad marriage pretzelized us, and stole our true selves away from us — luckily we all ended up drinking and using (we all have 20+ years clean and sober now). This is the far more common outcome of marriage.

My core belief is that almost all of us are pretty ruined by adulthood, and the lucky ones learn that they are also loved out of all sense of proportion — and the lucky ones can be found in any family, single, gay, adoptive, you name it — where one parent has done the work of personal healing and restoration. Having one well parent is the hugest advantage any child can have.

The biggest gift we can give to any marriage, any child, is the gift of ourselves- isn’t it?   We can only give that gift after we have journeyed to healing- dared to look within. Dared to have the world- our world,  ”revealed’.   I think we have to venture outside our understanding of safety and limitation to find our true selves….

I think to KNOW THYSELF

is true success.

Set yourself on fire.

The Comfort of Make Believe

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Women are particularly susceptible to all types of abuse and yet many of them don’t even know what it is and that it’s happening to them, nor do they realize  that there is an alternative way of being treated.

Many of us of have friends and family members that are being mistreated and we have no idea.  We have no idea because either ;

A) There are no outward signs

B) As Women,  really don’t even know what “abuse” is…

Before I go on- let me define the word:

a·buse

[v. uh-byooz; n. uh-byoos]  Show IPA verb, a·bused, a·bus·ing, noun

verb (used with object)

1.to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one’s authority.
2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to abuse a horse; to abuse one’s eyesight.
3. to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about;revile; malign.
4.to commit sexual assault upon.
5.Obsolete . to deceive or mislead.
noun

6.wrong or improper use; misuse: the abuse of privileges.
7.harshly or coarsely insulting language: The officer heaped abuse on his men.
8.bad or improper treatment; maltreatment: The child was subjected to cruel abuse.
9. a corrupt or improper practice or custom: the abuses of a totalitarian regime.
10.rape or sexual assault.

The most mis-leading thing about abuse is that we think it’s something we should visibly see on the surface, or that it looks a certain way. But in fact many times it’s all happening covertly and consistently, behind closed doors and over time, slowly eroding her self esteem over time, and leaving her with an incredibly precarious sense of self worth.

She is our friend, our neighbor, our florist, our sister, our mother.  She can come across as the most capable women you’ve ever met, and many times she is.  Everything looks all pulled together, and intact.  Her children are well behaved, groomed, and by all account’s “normal”.  You would never think that there was anything amis.  You would never know- I mean, she wears Tory Burch shoes for heavens sake.

Unfortunately the more she’s held it together over time the harder it is for anyone to comprehend or worse, believe.  By the time she finally discloses aspects of her situation – it’s usually dismissed or invalidated by her confidant. After all how could someone have missed the signs?   Especially if they’ve known them as a “couple”.  He seems like a really nice guy right?

By this time she usually realizes that she is getting just a small taste of what is to come if she should decide to leave the relationship- if her “close”  friend can’t see it, who can?

This is just one of the many incredulous scenarios of a woman who is in an abusive situation. In fact- here’s my analogie for her getting out and getting the help she needs.

Take an average woman who has not slept in 24 hours and take her to the bottom of  Mount Everest- and tell her to climb to the top without any equipment or assistance.

If she is a mother-  tell her to do it with her children.

Chances are when faced with the option to leave the situation-  she won’t take it when she asses her odds.  She’s weak, tired, and compromised in her ability to make rational healthy choices.  She has been in survival mode for so long her adrenal glands are completely depleted.

She loves her children, and does not want to put them in danger. The consequences of leaving are harsh and un-predictable and she need’s to put them first.   She will gladly sacrifice herself for the benefit of their safety and well- being.

This is her thinking pattern.  This is just one aspect of her dilemma.

It’s better to make believe that everything is ok.

It’s better to make believe it will get better…

It’s better to make believe that it will change…

This,  is the comfort of make believe.

Wouldn’t you rather make believe than have to face the reality?

Now lets take a look at our society.  If I were to call out our “culture of abuse” on women – where does that leave many of us?  As women we consume a steady diet of the very garbage the media feed’s us about ourselves. It’s had the same effect on *most* of us as the woman I illustrated above.   We are all left feeling lost and overwhelmed and not particularly strong in body or spirit.  We’ve got tremendous self esteem issues and our “value” and sense of self is practically non-existant.

The mountain I referred to above is our culture.

If we are to climb to inner strength, sense of purpose and wholeness then we’ve got some work to do but our odd’s are a whole lot better if we make the climb together.

Spring Cleaning for The Heart

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When you forgive, you heal your own anger and hurt and are able to let love lead again. It’s like spring cleaning for your heart. – Marci Shimoff.

Why is it so difficult to forgive someone?  I’ve often asked myself this question when I’ve labored over feelings of anger for way longer than anyone “should”.  Over time though- I start to realize that I am the one who is actually suffering by hanging on to the emotion.
Like all negative emotions – they may serve you for a short time- but then they should really get cleared out.

Anger is tough- we feel mis-treated, misunderstood, and perhaps invalidated. It can create a soul fever in our heart that need’s to run it’s course.  It’s important that we let it run, just as you might allow a child’s fever burn so that the body can fight the infection. Feeling the stages of anger might be much more useful than trying to numb them or suppress them.

Over time – one might pray for freedom from this anger so that it lessons, and we can heal- bit by bit.  During this time it’s important to just offer yourself compassion and patience. Sounds funny but really- is it going to make it any better if you feel like you should feel different by now?  If we just let the emotion “be” what it needs to be inside of us – we can use it for reflection.

* Does this anger feel familiar?

* Are there other places in my life that remind me of this type of event?

* Am I being kind to myself while I am feeling this way?

It’s important to remember that as much as we would deeply desire for the other person to change, or apologize, or validate our feelings that we can not control another’s actions or experience.  Only ours. ( I hate that.)

Ultimately- the biggest gift you can give YOURSELF is to forgive.  When you forgive- it does not necessarily about giving something to the other – but more- that you are giving to yourself.  You give your heart permission to expand again… permission to love again, trust again, laugh again.

It’s spring- and old resentments and wounds eventually pile up like enormous tumble weeds in the spirit.  If you can let go… and ask forgiveness to visit, you may be able to experience a lightness of being you have not felt in a while.

Breath it in…

Happy Spring.

You Get What You Tolerate. Join the Conversation.

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We train people how to treat us.

There is a “revelation” going on right now called “The Conversation” being led by celebrity Ashley Judd - but this conversation is OUR conversation.  It’s the conversation our CULTure needs to transform.  We live in a CULTURE of abuse. and frankly we get what we tolerate.  But first we each as individuals need to discern and understand that in fact this is a cycle that needs to be broken, and like all abusive situations first we must start by calling it what it is, and then we need to look at its origins in order to create conversations that can change it.

So where does this conversation originate?

It begins inside ourselves and usually at a young age.

You know, those deep places where we actually hide out – recalling memories that somehow enforced the belief that we were actually inferior, invisible, or unworthy.

As women, we are just one aspect of the human race that experiences daily what it feels like to be exploited, misunderstood, judged, silenced, subjugated, threatened, or made invisible but it’s an epidemic that perpetuates because we have not truly done “the work” of self discovery in order to find the power within ourselves to make a difference.

So much attention is given to being physically fit, looking good, hair, nails,body shape, physical assets and all the rest – but what about out insides?  Have we paid as much homage or attention to the junk we feed our minds? or the thoughts or actions we participate in that crush our spirit?  Make us dis-eased?

“You are what you eat” – that phrase is equally as powerful when it comes to our thoughts “we are what we THINK” and if thinking is skewed than it’s time to get back to basics for the spiritual equivalent of the holistic food pyramid.

It starts with first admitting to oneself that we are addicted to the thoughts that make us sick.  Our culture has fed us a steady diet of CRAP about what we “should” look like, what we should weigh, how we should behave, and what we should pay attention to.

Collectively we are depleted of any real nutritional spiritual value, and so – we are weak and vulnerable to the attacks that continue to barrage us. The task to “change” seems overwhelming?  How can we really make a difference in a culture that is committed to an abusive conversation about women when we don’t feel strong and “fit” enough to stand strong and say in a resounding voice “NO.”

We all have examples of where we give up our power or our voice and I can look to my childhood, my role as a wife  ex-wife, my role as daughter, mother, girlfriend, partner, co-worker, and see where I made the CHOICE to be silenced, put in my place, abused, ignored.  I make it so because I tolerate it.  I make it so – because it’s easier than fighting back or standing my ground.

“Don’t stir up the Mud” as my father would say (Thanks Dad- I love you but stirring mud can mean flowers might bloom)

If you can start to look at these places in your life where you can see the origin’s and then follow the breadcrumbs throughout your life you’ll start to see that cumulatively there’s actually a massive supermarket full of baked goods where you’ve sold your voice and little pieces of your soul at a great price.  It’s time to follow the crumbs backwards and collect those pieces of yourself in order to become whole again.

Here are some of my personal examples:

1) I grew up in a family where it was ok to be picked on.  My Dad (god bless him) was quite a humorist but it had a biting quality.  If I should cry, he’d say: “don’t be a bad sport” – although some of his “jokes” were hurtful to me and deeply upsetting I learned to “toughen up.”   My stiff upper lip and “un-phased” air helped me build the facade – something some people call “cool” – and so I learned to not react,  not cry, and later… not feel.   Now, I was a kid right? so I could not have known how to help myself or stand my ground or express myself in a way that would stop the teasing at home (if that’s what you want to call it) so i went through life for quite a while having learned the fine art of being cool and un-phased if people around me should act out or be hurtful toward me.  As an adult though.. I had to recognize that I was not a child any longer.  One day I  had to  take a stand to resurrect yourself and make the distinction that I am not “powerless” anymore.  That my voice works (well  lookie there!)  and  I can say:

“NO.”

“No, no thank you, nope. nada. not gonna do it. nay.”

I said “no” starting with the abuse I was experiencing as an adult in my home life, and then in my work life, and then I went back to it’s origin’s and realized that my whole life I’ve given away my voice starting with when I was FIVE!

But I’m not five anymore I’m forty one and I’ve got kids to raise and a full life to live, and differences to make. I have a voice to contribute toward worthy transformations in our world and so do you.

You’d be surprised what starts to happen when you say “no” to people who treat you badly.
Chances are if they are someone worth keeping around then they won’t try it again.

You can actually train them to treat you how you’d like to be treated.

You can start anywhere, but some places I’ve started to take back my value is inside my family as a parent, as a mother:

My children are always trying to push the boundaries… that’s what children do, it’s their job, so I don’t take it personally (most of the time)   They  use me as their guide for how to behave in the world.  Where the buck stops (my tolerance) is usually the place they call the limit. Usually when they misbehave I have to make a decision in that moment whether I am going to parent them ( re-direct, have a talk, discipline if necessary) or “let it go”.  In that moment if I “opt out” or cop out, I have sent a message that it’s ok to do it again, and likely they will also want to push further to see just how much I will give.  If I nip it in the bud, and don’t tolerate the behavior… i have to focus on it as an issue less and less or not at all over time.

Here is an example at work:

I’ve worked with many people in my life.  Many who’ve been very talented and very collaborative.  I’ve also worked with quite a few who have created lots of un-necessary guess-work and who say they are one thing, but really are another.  This is the trickiest of instances in which to find your footing because although you might find your voice and question them on it- they will look you right in the face and say it isn’t true.  In this case the behavior will likely continue as does the growing feeling inside of you that something is not quite right.  In this case we have a tendency to question  ourselves over and over again- and in doing so – it makes us feel a little crazy.  If this is the case then you are in fact dealing with a crazy-maker (hint: that’s why they coined the phrase) In this case be quiet and LISTEN to your insides.  If your gut is telling you that it smells like crap than it usually is. As women we have to RE-discover this inner  place inside that I call the crap detector.

You have to decide in that moment if your career is dependent on this person or not and if it is- you may want to rethink that.  The easiest way to give your power away is to think you don’t have any.  You have the power to stay or go- and trust me when i tell you that it’s these people who are the most dangerous of all. If you tolerate it now, pretty soon you’ll lose your ability to know the difference.

Case and point:  look where we are today with the media.  We have consumed so much garbage we believe it!

Sometimes we get what we tolerate, and sometimes we become what we tolerate.

another example:

I have a friend who is late all the time.  I don’t think people who are “late” actually realize what they put other people through.  I’m not talking about 5 minutes late- I’m talking about chronically late ( I know you know these people) and they repeatedly “show up” when it’s convenient for them. Some of the nicest people i know are chronically late – so what IS that?  Well, first of all – by the third time it happens – consider yourself TRAINED.

  • They’ve trained you to expect them to be late so you start to accommodate them by giving them *special* permission. Have you ever had a friend that you actually have to lie to and tell them dinner starts an hour earlier just so that they will arrive on time? – yeah… you get it.
  • They’ve trained their whole community in many cases to relate to them a certain way- either as someone whose life is just so busy and hectic we should just “understand” or that their lives and time are literally more important that ours… ( ahem, – really?)
  • Then I love that chronic friend who is late all the time and so when she has me over to her house she trains ME to be late because I KNOW she’s not going to be ready when she says she will be so instead of getting there and hour early, I am now actually altering MY principle’s! Maddening!

In this case I recommend looking at your friend the second or third time she or he is late and addressing it.  Let them know that you are wide open to understanding that “shit happens” but that you want to express your own need’s as it relates to time.  Asking someone to honor your time is a very valid request.

Asking someone to honor your FEELINGS is a very valid request.

Asking someone to HONOR YOU is MANDATORY.

It’s time to re-train people how to treat us. Before we can do that we must each shift our gaze into the mirror of greatness and make a CHOICE to see ourselves. From this place , changing and transforming  the conversation is entirely possible.

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