Tag Archives: Compassion

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The Seven Stages of Grief

Weather it’s death, or a death of sorts (break-up, betrayal, divorce, employment termination…) it hurts like hell and can take a long long time to heal.

I was recently re-reading the seven stages of grief, and realizing how very long a process it is to go through the seven stages.  It can take weeks, months, years, and for some – even a lifetime.

It’s not a process that can be rushed along.  It’s as unique a journey as the individual taking the journey. We all have a “time” in which we will process each phase of certain events.  I’ve known people to be in one aspect of grief for many years… before finally reaching the next.  The most valuable thing you can do for yourself or another who is experiencing it is to just give them/ yourself room – lots of room, and and endless well of compassion.

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The Seven Stages of Grief

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But instead will find a way forward with a deeper sense of wisdom.

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Revelation: EGO

There is only one necessary beginning point when it comes to truly making a change in your life and that; is the experience of powerlessness.

If you are in this place or can identify with this statement than you have known the deep and disconcerting feeling of it. Perhaps you have tried repeatedly to fight it. If you are lucky you have not turned to alcohol, drugs or some other form of denial to avoid it.  Grace happens when you are forced to “be with” it…. and be with it authentically.

Going where the pain is may seem counter intuitive ~ but like a chinese finger trap: You can’t go around it, you can’t go under it, you must go through it or inside of it to become free.

As we go inside… what will we really find there and what are we truly afraid of?

The very thing that keeps us from this experience at all cost is: the EGO.

The ego will go to great lengths to protect itself ~ in fact, it would sooner die and admit it is mistaken in its thinking or its viewpoint.

In the place of powerlessness lies the grace of humility, compassion, and love.

If you are lucky enough to venture in to that dark place you will eventually come to a soft glowing light which will unfurl its gifts for you.

You will wonder why you waited all this time.

“Thinking, or more precisely identification with thinking,
gives rise to and maintains the ego, which, in our Western
society in particular, is out of control. It believes it
is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy. Negative
states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, envy, and
jealousy, are products of the ego.”
~Eckhart Tolle

 

 

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Revelation: The Power of Women

Who?

Me?

Powerful?

There is a Revelation happening you know… and pssssst: It involves YOU.

As Women, we have the power to change the world: stop wars, ignite passion

and Com-Passion,

Love without limits, strings or borders,

and create the vision for the future.

We can start by truly being here for each other, and supporting each other in the wild wilderness of our dreams.

We have the power to Revelationalize our world.

Have you forgotten who you are?

What stopped you?

Did you let someone shut you down?

Were you made fun of?

Hurt?

Disillusioned?

Betrayed?

Life’s a bitch- or we are, no doubt.

But as one such powerful woman shared with me today – it’s time we get together and kick some ass.

Here’s to getting stronger, lovelier, livelier, and more amazing without apology.
Here’s to taking chances, reinvesting in ourselves, our dreams and our tribe.

Here’s to finally healing the inner twelve year old girl that exists in so many of us and taking a stand now – as a woman.

We have a universal choice as it relates to our abilities:

We can use our collective power positively (and move mountains)

or

(oh, hell hath NO fury) Negatively.

Its a choice.

The real challenge once you choose is:

to strive each day for consistency, resilience, and self love

and be willing: to scrape knee’s, speak truth’s, defend rights, open heart’s, and take risks.

and finally….

have a say

in the matter

of our lives

from

this.

point.

forward.

- Via Pinterest

(Thank you to two very special, strong, loving women who have helped me through a very difficult time. xo)

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Revelation: Mustard Seed

I’ve learned that being alive means that I can not escape loss.  Loss and grief goes hand and hand with joy and happiness.  I am weary of the road of grief because it feels like a lonely, scary and isolating one.   Sure there are tools to help me find comfort and recovery but many times those tools seem just out of reach.

There is a story of a woman who lost her only child and she was inconsolable, alone and very much in a place of dispair.  She did not want to go on living without her child and so she went to the Buddah and he told her he could help her.  He told her that he could assist her find relief  if she were to go find him a mustard seed from a house that had never known sorrow.

She searched all over the world and finally came back to the buddha with many gifts from each of those with whom she visited- but alas, no one had been able to give her the one thing she sought to find.  Instead the gifts she was given were: acceptance, forbearance, understanding, gratitude, courage, compassion, hope, truth, empathy, remembrance, strength, tenderness, wisdom and love.

The Buddha asked how she felt now that she had been given these gifts and she told him that she felt that each gift comforted her in it’s own way and that she felt “heavier” since she’d had to enlarge her heart to carry them all.  She asked him what the strange feeling she had inside meant and the Buddha told her that what she felt was called Sorrow and that carrying it meant she was like all the others now and was no longer alone.

This story brings comfort to me and so I look for the grace of these gifts as I journey on the path of life along with everyone else.