Today I find myself exhausted. sad.
It began over late last week… a difficult few days that finally came to a head yesterday afternoon and while the rest of the world was tuned in to the Superbowl, I was tuned in to my inability to “be” happy and free in the face of an event that deeply disturbed me.
It’s easy to look at “them” – as the problem, but really – there’s only “what happened” and then my reaction to that event.
I had this great conversation with my brother today- about how so many of us operate on our “default” behavior- especially when an upset “triggers” our response.
That teeny tiny window of opportunity to change that in mid stream is just that… a teeny tiny opportunity, and then like a flash, it’s gone and the reaction is … well, what it is- as opposed to being mindful and choosing my actions or behavior in a way that’s new, empowering, “better”.
How many of us are really in the game of looking at ourselves? How many of us take a long look at where we are on our paths wherever that may be and take the opportunity CHOOSE a new thought, a new action, a new response- it’s so very difficult but so very necessary if you want to get “better” – as we are all inherently wounded around something – i don’t care who you are… you have wounds, and pain, and have known suffering… it’s what you DO with the suffering that makes the difference.
It’s what “I” do with the suffering, that makes a difference because “I” want healing around the wounds “I” carry- why? because to me that means I have evolved- is there a way to evolve past the point of suffering? Well… then there is the gift of suffering right? Without suffering, I’m not sure it’s possible for much growth.
Everything that happens in life invites growth weather we are mindful of it or not… it just so happens that today I am mindful of the fact that I “want” to behave and react differently and can not seem to access that place…. so I’ll take my own advice and just try to “be” with it instead of resisting, because I know from experience that resistance is futile… resisting= persisting.
sigh. All I can do today is try to choose a more empowering thought about the turn of events so that I don’t stay here on my couch cycling over and over the questions of why it is what it is…..
and just let it be what it is.
